I WIsh I Were Wearing: Long Denim Shorts

Now that I am a woman of a certain age, I can think of quite a few occasions when a pair of short-shorts just won’t cut it. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good pair of mini shorts that show just a tiny little, very tasteful sliver of bottom; “dark meat” as my sophomore year jazz teacher would call it. Just a smidge, really more of a suggestion of a bum. There is indeed a time and a place for short-shorts but they should be confined to those specific times and those places.

For example: hitting the beach with friends is the perfect time to don some hot pants over your swimsuit. Roller-blading in your super funky, retro skates: an excellent opportunity for a little bum action in those tiny red gym shorts. Heading to a summer concert: those itty-bitty distressed Levi’s are perfect to pair with some chunky combat boots.

Visiting with your boyfriend’s family however is decidedly not the best time to break out your shortest booty shorts. I don’t think they’re ready for that jelly.

Those are the kinds of situations when I opt for my long shorts. Lorts, if you will. Okay no, let’s just stick with the oxymoron.

I’ve collected quite a few pairs of long denim shorts and while I’ve admittedly purchased a few too many (this was pre major impulse-buying revelation), I’ve found that each pair serves my wardrobe in a different way. I’ve compiled seven different looks featuring long denim shorts that cover virtually every occasion you could possibly encounter. Well, situations where denim shorts are appropriate to wear.

A Day at the Park, SOcially Distanced of Course

These vintage Levi cutoff shorts have been a staple for me this summer. They’re extremely comfortable, versatile and hang perfectly on my frame. I love the high-waist and relaxed fit. Since this outfit is quite understated, I suggest dressing it up with a patterned face mask.

AT Home Date Night

These shorts are a recent purchase that I know I’ll have for years to come. They’re from Madewell, a tried and true maker of excellent denim pieces. They’re the perfect mid-length short; everything is covered yet they show some serious leg. The top is from Aritzia and is such a flattering cut. Paired with some jewelry, these two items create the perfect casual date look.

Brunch on an outdoor patio, 6-feet away from anybody because Miss Rona ain’t quittin

These shorts are a recent addition to the long shorts collection. They were once my favorite Dolce & Gabbana jeans that I got for $20 at a thrift store in San Francisco a few years ago. I took some scissors to them and find that they’re more wearable this way. Cutting them allowed for a little more give in the thigh area which me and my dancer legs always need.

The top I’m wearing is actually a swimsuit from a brand called Mona. I picked it up in a curated designer in the West Village. It’s extremely comfortable and since it’s a swimsuit, it absorbs moisture; perfect for sweaty summer days.

A walk down the sidewalk in front of my house and back

I purchased these Agolde shorts in New York City a few weeks back and wasn’t satisfied about the shape of them after wearing them for a day. I decided to cut about 4 inches off and slit the seam at the sides to give them a boxier look. Now, they’re one of my favorite pairs of shorts.

A distanced walk on the beach

I picked up these $6 shorts from Topshop before the 5th Avenue location closed. I love the light-wash and super relaxed fit through the thigh. I definitely feel like a laid-back California gal in these.

Grocery store cowgirl

Because picking up provisions should be a whole event. These distressed Gap shorts are extremely comfy and have surprisingly deep pockets. Perfect for stashing your hand sanitizer on the go.

The long, billowy linen shirt is a a recent purchase from Uniqlo. I’m very into easy, oversized linen in the summer and will be wearing this forever.

Zoom Happy hour with the girls

Girls’ night calls for a subtle flex and this outfit provides just that. These Topshop shorts are the perfect length for a slightly more dressed-up look, appropriate for a casual summer date with friends.

The top is such a flirty, feminine piece. It’s from Reformation. I love the subtle flounce at the bottom and the bright, playful pattern.

Well there you have it: long denim shorts for all of your quarantine needs. I hope we can all come out of hiding soon, rub elbows and show off our long shorts.

Stay healthy friends!